How the Salaf Were with Their Families

Be Easy-Going and Joyful with Your Family

Thābit b. ʿUbayd said, “Zayd b. Thābit used to be the most cheerful person amongst his family.”

Thābit b. ʿUbayd said, “I never saw anyone more dignified when he sat with people, nor more cheerful in his house than Zayd b. Thābit.”

Encourage Your Child to Fast if He’s Capable

Hishām b. ʿUrwah b. al-Zubayr reported from his father that he would command his children to fast if they were capable of it.

Force Your Child to Learn the Obligatory Aspects of the Dīn

Sufyān al-Thawrī said, “It is necessary for a man to force his child to acquire knowledge, for indeed he will be questioned about it.”

Teach Your Child the Qurʾān

ʿAbd Allāh b. ʿĪsá said, “This Ummah will continue to be upon goodness as long as its children learn the Qurʾān.”

Teach Your Child Manners

ʿUthmān al-Ḥāṭibī said, “I heard Ibn ʿUmar say to a man, ‘Teach your son manners, for indeed you will be asked about your son and what manners you taught him, and what (knowledge) you taught him.’”

Muḥammad b. Sīrīn (d. 110) said, “They used to say, “Honour your child, and teach him excellent manners.”

Sufyān said, “It used to be said that from the rights of a child upon his parent is that he teaches him excellent manners.”

It used to be said, “Manners are from fathers, and righteousness is from Allāh.” And it used to be said, “Whoever teaches his son manners when he is young, he will be delighted with him when grows up.”

Exhort Your Family

Zayd b. Aslam reported from his father that ʿUmar b. al-Khaṭṭāb used to pray whatever Allāh willed during the night. When the end of the night came, he would wake up his family and say, “The prayer, the prayer” and recite {And command your family with prayer} [Ṭā-Hā (20): 132].

al-Ḥasan al-Baṣrī (d. 110) said, “May Allāh have mercy upon one who exhorts himself and his family, and says, ‘O my family, (take care of) your prayer (take care of) your prayer, (take care of) your zakāh (take care of) your zakāh, (take care of) your neighbours (take care of) your neighbours, (take care of) your poor (take care of) your poor; perhaps Allāh will have mercy upon you on the Day of Resurrection, for indeed Allāh praised the servant who does these deeds. He the Majestic and Most High said, {And he used to command his family with prayer and zakāh, and his Lord was pleased with him} [Maryam (19: 55)].”

Muʿāwiyah b. Murrah said that his father used to say to his children after they had prayed ʿIshāʾ, “O my dear children, go to sleep, for perhaps Allāh will provide you with goodness from the night.”

Ṣāliḥ, the son of Imām Aḥmad said that if an ascetic man came to his father, his father would send him to observe that man in the hope that he would be like him.

Be Beneficial to Your Family

Ḍirār b. Murrah used to milk his sheep for his family and draw water for them. He said, “It used to be said, ‘The best of you is the one who is most beneficial to his family.’”

Mubārak b. Saʿīd said, “Sufyān wrote to me, ‘To proceed: look after your family in the best way, and let death be on your mind – peace (be upon you).’”

Providing for Your Family is Better than Optional Acts of Worship

Muslim said that he met Muʿāwiyah b. Qurrah and asked him where he had just come from. He replied he went out and bought food for his family. Muslim asked him whether he acquired it with ḥalāl wealth. He replied, “Yes.” He then said, “It is more beloved to me that I set out every day for what you set out, than praying the night and fasting the day.”

Source: Min Akhbār al-Salaf by Abū Zakariyā al-Bākistānī, pp. 401-406.

The Salaf and Their Parents

Abū Hurayrah (d. 59) saw two men and said to one of them, “Who is this to you?” He replied, “My father.” He said, “Do not call him by his name, do not walk in front of him, and do not sit before him.”

Abū Ḥāzim al-Ashjaʿī (c. 100) was a close companion of Abū Hurayrah and is said to have spent half a century with him. He said, “Abū Hurayrah did not perform Ḥajj until his mother passed away.”

ʿAbd Allāh b. ʿUmar (d. 74) saw a Yemenī man going around the Kaʿbah while carrying his mother on his back, saying, “I am her humble camel, if her mount is frightened, I am not frightened.” He then said, “O Ibn ʿUmar! Do you think that I have repaid her?” He replied, “No! Not even one groan!”

Ḥafṣah bt. Sīrīn (c. 100), the sister of Muḥammad b. Sīrīn (d. 110) said, “When Muḥammad would enter upon his mother, he would not speak to her with his whole tongue out of shyness towards her.”

Ibn ʿAwn (d. 151) said, “When Muḥammad b. Sīrīn (d. 110) would be in the presence of his mother, he would lower his voice and speak gently.”

Hishām b. Ḥassān said that someone from the family of Sīrīn said, “I never saw Muḥammad b. Sīrīn talking to his mother except while (he seemed) abased.” [Ḥilyah (2: 273)].

A man entered upon Muḥammad b. Sīrīn while he was in the presence of his mother, so he said, “What’s the matter with Muḥammad, is he suffering from something?” They said, “No, this is just how he is when he is in the presence of his mother.” [Ḥilyah (2: 273)].

Bundār (d. 252) said, “I wanted to go travelling (to seek ḥadīth) but my mother prevented me so I obeyed her, and I was blessed due to that.” Allāh blessed him by making him the teacher of the authors of The Six Books: al-Bukhārī, Muslim, Abū Dāwūd, al-Tirmidhī, al-Nasāʾī, and Ibn Mājah.

al-Ḥasan al-Baṣrī (d. 110) was asked about being righteous towards one’s parents and he said, “That you spend on them from what you possess, and you obey them as long as it does not involve sin.”

ʿAṭāʾ was asked about a man whose mother made him swear he would not pray except the obligatory and not fast except the month of Ramaḍān. He replied, “He should obey her.”

Iyās b. Muʿāwiyah (d. 122) cried when his mother passed away. He was asked, “What makes you cry?” He replied, “I used to have two doors to Paradise open for me, but one of them has been shut.”

al-Ashjaʿī (d. 182) said, “We were with Sufyān al-Thawrī (d. 161) when his son Saʿīd came and said, ‘Do you see him (meaning his father)? I have never been harsh with him; indeed, he would call me whilst I would be praying an optional prayer, and I would cut it for him.’”

A man said to al-Ḥasan al-Baṣrī (d. 110), “Indeed I performed Ḥajj (again) and my mother gave me permission for the pilgrimage.” He said, “Sitting with her at her dinner table is more beloved to me than your Ḥajj.”

A man said to ʿAlī b. al-Ḥusayn (d. 94), “You are the most righteous of people and yet we do not see you eat with your mother?” He said, “I fear my hand will go first to what her eyes had already reached, and thus I would be disobeying her.”

ʿUrwah b. al-Zubayr (d. 94) said, “He has not been dutiful to his parents the one who looks at them sharply.”

Manṣūr b. al-Muʿtamir (d. 132) said, “It used to be said that the mother is due three-fourths of kind treatment.” [Ḥilyah (5: 42)]

Saʿīd b. Jubayr (d. 95) said, “I was bitten by a scorpion, and my mother made me promise to seek ruqyah, so I gave the rāqī the hand which had not been bitten as I hated to break my promise to her.” He did this so he could be among the 70,000 who will enter Paradise without any account; one of their characteristics is that they do not seek ruqyah.

Ṭalq b. Ḥabīb (c. 100) used to help his mum with her chores.

Kahmas (d. 149) used to work in plastering every day for two small coins. When evening would come, he would buy fruits and take them to his mother.

ʿAwn b. ʿAbd Allāh reported that ʿAbd Allāh said, “Keep ties with those your father used to keep ties with, for indeed keeping ties with the deceased in his grave is that you keep ties with the one your father used to keep ties with.”

ʿAmr b. Maymūn b. Mihrān said, “I went out with my father guiding him through one of the streets of al-Baṣrah. We came across a streamlet and he was not able to cross it so I lay down and he walked over my back.” [ḤA (4: 82)].

ʿAbd Allāh b. ʿAwn said that his mother called him once, and he responded but raised his voice; he then freed two slaves. [Ḥilyah (3: 39)].

ʿAbd Allāh b. Yūsuf said that Abū ʿAbd Rabb used to buy slaves and free them. One day he bought an old female Roman slave and freed her. She said, “I don’t know where I’m going to stay.” So, he sent her to his house. When he departed from the masjid, he brought some dinner on the way, invited her to eat, and she ate. He then spoke to her and it turned out she was his mother! He immediately invited her to Islām but she refused. Despite that, from that point onwards, he was kind and dutiful to her to the highest degree. One day, when he returned from the ʿAṣr prayer on the Day of al-Jumuʿah, he was informed that his mother had accepted Islam, he fell down in prostration and stayed there until the sun set. [Ḥilyah (5: 160)].

Sources:

Min Akhbār al-Salaf al-Ṣāliḥ by Abū Yaḥyá Zakariyyā b. Ghulām Qādir, pp. 396-400.

al-Tahdhīb al-Mawḍūʿī li Ḥilyat al-Awliyāʾ li Abū Nuʿaym Aḥmad b. ʿAbd Allāh al-Aṣbahānī, prepared by Muḥammad b. ʿAbd Allāh b. Ṣāliḥ al-Habdān, pp. 151-153.